“Ben, are you successful?”, one of my wife’s friends asked as I was opening a wine bottle.
It was gathering at my place (ladies only) and my wife asked me for help with the bottle. Her question took me by surprise, but I already knew the answer.
“You should ask my wife - A successful man needs a happy wife for a happy life 🤣”
Our industry is notorious for showcasing “success”, many celebrate qualifying for MDRT/COT/TOT or their company’s internal awards. The more ostentatious ones flaunt material stuff with luxury watches, bags, holidays and lifestyles constantly on their social media. But our industry is not alone here, showcases of “success” are everywhere.
We all grew up with very similar definitions of success - scoring As in class, winning competitions, receiving awards, getting promoted at work, earning lots of money, etc. In fact, earning more is one of the major reasons why I switched to the FA business. I too celebrated achieving MDRT. I was earning more than double my previous income, and travelling more than I used to. But I didn’t feel successful, I constantly felt burnt-out and tired, sometimes doubtful. Why?
So I reflected.
The work was meaningful, and I enjoyed meeting clients and the conversations we had energized me. While there were some difficult clients, there were many more who were appreciative of the work I do.
The team culture was positive, people were willing to help and share ideas. There were no politics, ample opportunities to learn, and I had autonomy over how I want to grow my business.
I was at a new life phase too. I got married, moved to our new house, and we were in honeymoon bliss. Overall, life was pretty good. But I felt stuck, seeking other gratifications to feel better. Why?
I had no idea why. There were no immediate and apparent answers. I didn’t stop because I felt stuck. Instead, I slowed down but kept moving forward - continue to work on my business, say yes to opportunities and stay open to whatever. I read more, attended courses on personal development, participated in various team initiatives, slowly grinding and grinding. After many months, somehow I started to feel better, my mind clearer. Something started to click for me as I was grinding through.
Success is not the same for everyone
Initially, I understood success in this business as achieving MDRT/COT/TOT. And thought every FC will want that too. But I learnt this was not the case. I knew FCs who are content with $3k/m. I knew a “successful” FC who left the industry despite achieving over $1M in sales. I learnt that achieving TOT needs a sharp business acumen.
I realized I had to define my own success and not let others define that for me. I realized that I was more interested in my personal growth than earning higher income. I preferred opportunities where I can grow as an individual than closing a bigger case.
Success to me meant becoming a better version of myself, becoming Ben v2.0.
Success to you can mean achieving MDRT/COT/TOT yearly. But only because you have defined this yourself.
Success is a journey, not a destination
Is Michael Jordan successful because he won a game or was awarded MVP in a game? Would he be considered successful if he only won once or twice?
Was Lee Kuan Yew successful because he won an election? Would he be considered successful if he only won one election?
The reason why I didn’t feel successful despite achieving MDRT for consecutive years was because success itself is a journey and not a destination. I was merely celebrating the milestones of an on-going journey.
While we may celebrate achievements of MDRT/COT/TOT, we must acknowledge that these are milestones and not success itself. Milestones allow us to track our progress towards success. And we can only identify success when we look back on the journey we had.
Success journey comes in a package
Once we understand that success is a journey and not a destination, we cannot expect our journey to be filled with roses without thorns. There will be ups and downs. We feel the highs and lows. We cannot wish away the bad experiences and hope only for the good ones. The good and bad comes as a package.
I cannot expect to close cases without facing rejections. I cannot expect to grow without making mistakes. I cannot expect to become a leader without criticism.
As we want the good stuff that comes from this journey, we too must accept the bad. In fact, we should embrace the bad as much as we embrace the good.
I was expecting answers to getting unstuck to come from a singular event but instead it came when I was grinding through. If you are feeling stuck, doubtful or tired, consider slowing down, but don’t stop, and keep moving forward.
In hindsight, I would probaby still use MDRT as a milestone to track my progress towards success in this business in my first 2 years. MDRT or not, success is defined on our own terms and a journey we work towards. Don’t let others define for journey you!
Earl Nightingale summed this up succintly 68 years ago:
Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal or ideal.